Everything in life does not go as we planned. This includes people who come into our lives and people who leave. Sometimes a love that started like a fairy tale can end when you least expect it. Timeless talk and dreams about the future together disappear in an instant. In this unexpected situation, the pain of love can be painful. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Merve Kırna shared important information on the subject with Elmaelma.com readers about this period that usually makes people stagnate and withdraws, which we call the pain of love after the end of the relationship. How does the pain of love go? What should be avoided in the pain of love after separation? Here is what you need to know about the pain of love after the ending relationship!
Sometimes things don’t go as planned and separation can knock on the door. Although this situation varies from person to person, in some cases it can be very painful and even push the person into depression. The sadness experienced after a ended relationship is a loss for the person and as in the loss of death; It has some common features such as not being able to see the person again, not being able to realize the dreams for the future. How the relationship ended during the separation process, the importance of the relationship for the person, whether it is the party that broke up or left, the investment made in the relationship, being married or single, and the length of the relationship are among the factors that affect the recovery process.
What to Do After the Relationship Ends? What to Avoid?
After the ending relationship, sometimes in people; it is the desire to blame the other party unnecessarily, to declare a scapegoat for the separation that is the result of the wrong relationship. It should not be forgotten that the meeting of two good people is not always enough for a perfect relationship, the ending relationship does not make the character of the people bad, it just means that being good is not enough for the relationship. Therefore, instead of blaming the other party, ” I’m a good person too, and he’s a good person too, but being good people for this relationship isn’t the key to the right relationship.” should be considered.
Do not delay your mourning. One of the biggest mistakes made after a breakup is to ignore what happened, not to cry even though you want to cry, and to cover up and act like nothing happened. This is the same child who tapped his foot on the table and although it hurt, ” it didn’t hurt it didn’t hurt It’s like saying ‘. If there is a mourning to be held, it should be mourned, every mourning that is not held, every suppressed emotion, sadness and anger manifests itself in a somatic way. For example, a person who is deceived or abandoned Why should I mourn her death and leave me and feel sorry for her? ” he says. But the feeling that needs to be experienced is not for the person, but for the relationship lived. Grief is also very important for accepting the reality of separation and the lessons to be learned from the relationship.
Starting a new relationship right away is one of the most common mistakes. People who start a new relationship right after a breakup are generally not strong enough to handle the grieving and acceptance process. A new relationship will make you forget the old one, so to speak ” take a hair of the dog that bit you ‘ the person thinks. This behavior is like thinking that a bleeding wound that will not heal without surgery will heal when covered with a Band-Aid.
There is a fallow process even for planting a crop in the field, the purpose is to rest the soil, not to mix the new crop with the old crop, and to make the new product high quality. The feelings, behaviors and problems of the person who has not been mourned, who did not take the lessons to be learned from the past relationship, who did not analyze the ending relationship, who did not question their role in the relationship, who did not examine their relationship maintenance and problem-solving styles, who did not give themselves time to start a new relationship, and who did not give themselves time to start a new relationship. It is likely that he will appear again in the future.
Texting, calling, and following social media accounts after separation are among the factors that prolong the grieving process. Sometimes one wishes to remain friends; Although it is not very possible to remain friends with the person with whom he has intense feelings, it makes it difficult to overcome the pain of separation. It is important to decide on this when the feelings cool down, when the grieving process is completed and you feel no emotion such as anger, anger, love when you see that person.
It is necessary to mourn after the end of the relationship, to experience the pain, anger and emotions that should be experienced, but if this process takes longer than necessary, it brings along a separate problem. Sometimes because the person believes that the partner he left will come back, sometimes because it is difficult to start a new relationship, he cannot face himself about the ending relationship, people who cannot accept that the separation is over have difficulty in completing the grieving process, and sometimes this can go as far as depression.
Do not be afraid to share your sadness. Some people do not want to share their situation with anyone, if they do, they will appear weak by people or ” do you still think about it They are afraid to face the ” attitude. Instead of going through this process alone, it is important to share with your acquaintances who you trust, who will listen and support you, in order to get through the process easily.
People who cannot cope with the sadness experienced sometimes try to eat too much or stop eating, sometimes the whole day ” If I sleep, this pain will go away It leads them to sleep with the thought of ”, or not being able to sleep all night, or to numb their thoughts with harmful substances such as alcohol and drugs. They may avoid doing the social activities they used to do, they may withdraw into themselves. It should be known that these situations will not do anything other than suppress the process, and will not make you forget.
Remember that after a relationship ends, you need time.It is a chance to experience this situation and learn the lessons that need to be taken, analyze the relationship, realize what you did in your old relationship and why you did it, and that life is a homework given to you so that you do not carry the old mistakes into the new relationship, and it is a chance to restructure your life, to know yourself better, to see and realize your deficiencies and mistakes. Remember it is. If you cannot cope with all these processes on your own and this causes deterioration in your social, work, education and career fields, getting psychological support is very important in terms of healthy separation.