If you are constantly comparing what are the ways to save the marriage…

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It is said that from time to time in marriage, situations such as raising their voices to each other and minor conflicts are the spice of marriage. Of course, there may be resentments in between, we say unless the size increases. However, there are some situations that cannot be tolerated. So what should be done to overcome these crisis situations in marriage? Expert Consultant Psychologist Ani Eryorulmaz answered the questions one by one.

Expert Counselor Psychologist Ani Eryorulmaz, the author of Toxic Relationships, was the guest of KALEM Talks organized by the Turkish Religious Foundation, Women’s Family and Youth Center – TDVKAGEM, and the Sultangazi Mufti Conference Hall. In Ankara and Istanbul Talks, he explained the tricks of establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with work and family life and friends..


Research shows that the habit of criticism and judgment is among the main reasons that lead marriages to crisis. Individuals’ constant criticism, judgment and comparison with other marriages in the relationship heralds bigger problems that may occur in the future. Other ways than judgment can be used to express feelings and grievances in the relationship. Sharing feelings and communication instead of criticism helps individuals to understand each other more easily.


Toxic intercourse is like walking on eggshells. Maintaining this situation causes irreparable harm to the relationship and the individual. If such relationships cannot be treated, they trigger problems such as loss of physical health, eating disorders and bad habits.


Bringing toxic relationships to light in common examples in everyday life paves the way for a solution. The primary condition for maintaining relationships is to know the physical and psychological limits of the individual first of all. In this direction, the individual can draw his boundaries correctly. While it is possible for everyone to experience crises in their relationships from time to time, it is not impossible for them to find ways to overcome them.

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The coming together of individuals from two different family orders and two different worlds in a new life makes marriage difficult. While the couples are starting a new life, they also bring together their dirty suitcases, which are actually what they have seen and experienced in the house where they grew up. Marriage is learned by experiencing the marriage of our parents. What we see in the family we grew up in shows itself in the relationships we form involuntarily. The confusion that arises makes marriage difficult because the married couples carry their own positive and negative experiences in their new lives to the middle of the marriage without knowing it. Couples who can act with this awareness can move to an environment where they can compromise.


Pushing feelings and thoughts under the rug and covering them up in order to keep their relationships free of trouble also drags marriages into crisis. Instead of facing the crisis, couples prefer to live it as if it doesn’t exist. However, couples who suppress their problems by covering up are gradually moving away from marriage. Moving away from this habit and taking constructive steps by accepting the emotions carries the relationship to a healthy dimension.

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