MY PSYCHOLOGIST ONLINE

Article: Zeynep Uner

In fact, a hidden camera installed in my house would complete this article. It would be both my first “home office” day and my first online therapy. For the first time, a magazine editor who has been working since the age of 19, who is not very sick, and does not return home before dark in summer and winter, is at home and healthy for the first time. He tries to do everything at the same time and can’t do any of it. On the one hand, looking at the e-mail, on the other hand, lighting the fireplace during the day, which I always admired, preparing a healthy meal, but not staying away from sports during home quarantine, writing that last article… Within four hours, it was time for an appointment with my psychologist before I could do any of that.

I got my first little shock when he offered to do the therapy online with a message. I couldn’t answer for a while. Because how would I open from a mobile phone screen when I was not even experienced in therapy? After all, I’m someone who can’t even post their own conversations and selfie videos on Instagram. You can only use Facetime for dating, gossip and shopping for a consultant; I use Skype for business meetings.

The beginning was just as funny as being home for the first time. I couldn’t even figure out where to talk in the house. I decided on the bedroom so that the people in the house could not hear me, and the therapy began. But the phone wasn’t working right there, so I panicked and went downstairs to the living room. My voice echoed there so much that it was as if I was facing everything twice and everyone could hear me. I tried my luck on the patio, then went downstairs to the gym. My therapist asked me how it felt to be at home with all these coronavirus events. The moment I said, “…it’s like I’m on a track, on a wheel, and if I derail…”, this time uncomfortable with being in the gym, I got up headlong and hung up, asking for two minutes to change places.

When we started talking again, we realized that as soon as I mentioned my fear of “going off the rails”, I got up in a panic and hung up the phone. With this determination and the jokes we made about it, I realized that after ten or fifteen minutes, I was connected to my first online therapy. Since then, I have not changed my place. I concentrated on the conversation. I didn’t notice how another 45 minutes passed. I was not bothered by the occasional silence. I had no trouble explaining. Rather, the phone screen was like a softening filter. I was a little more alone, but I wasn’t actually… It was more comfortable to talk. The eye contact was more blurred, and this gave me relief. Also, people actually make such “intimate” video conversations with their closest ones. It is as if he has developed a sincerity reflex.

It seems that the corona measures will continue in April and May. Technology is a real consolation in this sense. I hope to find a solution to my growing hair online next month and hair dyeing, which is due.

Taken from ELLE Turkey April 2020 issue.

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