Ways to control jealousy

According to a study on jealousy, which can be defined as the fear of losing someone important or the deterioration of the relationship, the perceived threat to the existence of the relationship and a reaction to this threat, a negative attitude, Turkey ranks third after Brazil and China in terms of jealousy. . Jealousy, which stands out as one of the effective, common and damaging emotions in romantic relationships, is seen as one of the most important reasons for relationship problems and divorce. Relationship, couple, and jealousy are at the root of the problems of one-third of couples who apply for marriage counseling.

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Say no to jealousy before it eats away at your relationship!

Jealousy is about you, betrayal is about the other party. You may have control over things related to yourself. You cannot control everything. Loyalty is not something that can be achieved through pressure. Whatever you do, who wants to cheat or end the relationship, he will find a way. The only way of loyalty is love. In this sense, you need to look at your relationship from this perspective.

What can you do against your jealousy that you cannot prevent?

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  • Live in the moment. If you are in a relationship, it means that you are preferred by your partner. Do not constantly question this. If someone is going to turn away from you, you cannot prevent it by being jealous or constantly putting pressure on that person. On the contrary, such an approach will drive your partner away from you.

Get down to the root of your jealousy. Why are you jealous?

  • Try to find the underlying causes of jealousy. Let it be the first step to become aware of your negative critical inner voice. Understanding the origin of the behavior can help you control it.

Build trust together

  • To overcome jealousy, it is necessary to build trust. The parties who share the relationship should trust each other enough to know that no matter what, the love and respect they share will prevent outside influences from threatening their relationship. If you’ve noticed that jealousy is a problem in your relationship, it doesn’t matter who is jealous because it can be boring for both parties. Overcoming this problem is possible with patience, good communication and changing beliefs (thoughts). Act together in this process.

Remember that you have responsibilities to him too

  • If you’re in a committed relationship, you have to sacrifice some freedom. You cannot act on your own because you also have some responsibility for how the other person feels. One of the negative ways to deal with jealousy is to tell the spouse “this is your problem” or “I didn’t do anything”. This is when a crying child is told by his mother, “Stop crying, what’s going on with you?” It’s like saying and it never works. Instead you can say “I can see why this is happening”. Once you’ve made your partner feel comfortable and calm, you can decide together whether their wishes are feasible.

Avoid harsh judgments, lower your expectations

  • Lower your expectations. “My partner should never be interested in anyone else”, “I should always know what my partner is doing.” If you have core beliefs such as These exact judgments can make you more prone to jealousy.

Constantly questioning, picking up their phone will damage your image in his eyes

  • Re-evaluate your checking behavior. Behaviors that you think will reassure you; constantly questioning your spouse, checking their phones, following their social media only makes you worry more. These dysfunctional coping strategies also damage the bond with your partner. On the other hand, do not forget that these behaviors destroy your image in his eyes and his respect for you.

Don’t make yourself believe that what you think is real

  • Don’t confuse fact with fiction. Jealousy is controlled by the destructive use of imagination. Pay attention to the things you create in your mind, not everything you think is real. It is useful to observe for a while.

What if you leave?

  • If you have to use your imagination, imagine the worst. What if you leave? If this relationship were to end, how would you direct your life? List 10 positive answers. “I can’t live without it!” Imagine how you would live without it.

If there is no concrete evidence, there is no betrayal!

  • It may sound mundane, but how about believing your spouse? You may not trust for a while, but try pretending to believe and just observe. There is no betrayal if there is no concrete evidence.

Don’t keep comparing yourself to others

  • It may be easier said than done, but stop comparing yourself to others. Take a look at what you think when you feel jealous. “What does he find in it?” The question is easily “Weaker/smarter/attractive than me.” It can turn into a sentence. Thinking like that only makes you feel inadequate and worthless. Because people are not loved just for some distinctive features. The loved one is a whole.

Strive for healthy communication

  • Communicate with your spouse. If you’re feeling jealous, talk about it with your partner, but be mindful of the way you talk. If you speak angrily or sarcastically or blame your spouse, these conversations will not work. Calmly explain your feelings and discuss how to find a solution.

Jealousy behavior can sometimes be difficult to control. Underlying causes rarely go away on their own. If you have tried all the options but jealousy has turned into a repetitive behavior in the relationship, a professional can help and support in dealing with the underlying causes.

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