Why do we fight after we marry the person who makes our life special compared to others that we are dying to marry? Have you ever asked yourself this question? The unrest that started after we got married to the person we put all the ways in front of us to marry, and in a word, it is enough to end the marriage. The power imbalance in marriage, which has been on the agenda recently, is at the top of the list among the causes of conflict in marriage. Why do people try so hard to get married and so much to fight? Power struggle in marriage is the biggest factor in these fights. But why should not the war of power in marriage turn into a union? Expert Psychological Counselor Şenol Baygül gave important information about the subject.
One of the Reasons for Fighting in Marriage is the Battle of Powers!
Power struggle and romance are two phenomena that do not go together. At the point where the romance ends, dissatisfaction and conflict arise, borders are violated, sharing ends, controllingness begins. If the emotional sharing has decreased or no longer exists, if the main purpose is to do housework, earn money and the responsibility of the children, individual areas and demands have started to occur and the common areas have decreased, it can be mentioned that the power struggle has started.
Communication becomes unhealthy and the language used becomes insulting and humiliating, and sarcasm and sarcasm often take place in conversations. “ i work harder”, “ My family supports us more.”, “ Who brings money to this house?” ” You’re ignorant, I’ve read all those years”, “ I earn more.” “ If I don’t do it, you won’t either. ” Endless comparisons and challenges in the form of a show indicate that the harmony in the balance of power has been disrupted.
In a marriage where there is a power struggle, the person who dominates himself criticizes everything and intervenes. This intervention can include the spouse’s friend, family, expenses, and activities done during the day.
How to Equalize Power Struggles That Cause Marriage Fights
-First of all, spouses should know that, especially those with children, even if you separate and live in different houses, the healthier, the more peaceful and self-confident the other party is, the more it can benefit you. Someone who is insecure, weak, unhealthy will have the understanding of harming you. The more you empower that person and make him/her self-confident, the more secure your life will be. For example, we have separate borders with Syria, but when there is unrest there, it directly or indirectly reflects on us.
Expectations, roles and perception of marriage should be restructured in order to eliminate the power struggle that causes individuals to be unhappy.
Perhaps the first step in resolving power imbalances is to become aware of this imbalance. Then it must be believed internally that the marriage is mutual and not within the body of a person. ” Of course, it’s his right too.“It’s not enough, you have to be alive in practice.
– Instead of transforming two different lives into each other, an understanding of maintaining them side by side should be adopted, and individual limits and demands should be approached with empathy. For example, you can declare friend day once a week and each of you can spend time with your friends.
-The difference between adapting and changing should be understood and attitudes towards changing the spouse should be abandoned. Your partner may be very fond of doing any activity that you do not like, you should respect it.
It is normal to have differences of opinion in bilateral relations. Instead of looking for winner-loser, right or wrong, talk about what the problem is and seek a common solution. Your marriage is not a race, remember you got married to be happy together.
-In discussions you are like this‘rather than’ I‘ is a better way to express feelings and thoughts with language.
– They should not rush to change some things that are not pleasing, spread the problem over time, and the spouses should think ‘what can I do to increase the love between us’.
-If you think that you are the oppressed side of the power struggle, you can share with your spouse what you feel and think about the situations you experience.